Thursday, March 29, 2007

I have hit the wall. I'm almost at a breaking point. Work, kids and a severe lack of sleep are wreaking havoc with my state of mind. One minute I'm yelling and the next I'm almost in tears. Tonight the chaos was almost too much.

I love severe weather. Fortunately, I have never lost a home, posessions or a loved one because of a tornado. That is probably why I still get an adrenaline rush when the wind picks up and the weatherman starts talking about tornado precautions.

Today would've been a great day to enjoy the smells and sounds of a severe thunderstorm. However, for once the kids were oblivious to the thunder and sirens. Usually, they are the first to start packing for a stay in the bathtub. Tonight, they were yelling and running throughout the house. Needless to say, there was no way Spencer was going to be able to settle down for his late afternoon nap. Once the storm (weather and the kids' activity) had passed, I felt a strong need to just sit outside by myself. But since I was the only adult at home, I couldn't leave the kids alone inside. So I tried to find a happy place in my head, eat my homemade pizza and pretend that the kids weren't destroying my room while they were watching TV.

Tomorrow is another day and maybe I'll actually get the many loads of laundry folded that are overflowing in the baskets in my living room. Have I mentioned that when the clutter reaches a certain point, I become very stressed? I have hit that point and I'm about to run right through the wall. Unfortunately, I have no time to run away anywhere right now.

To end on a positive note, I was listening to a CD I made for my husband for Valentine's Day. It contains a couple of songs from our wedding and some other love-related songs. God has amazing timing because as I drove home through the pouring rain, Martina McBride's song "Blessed" began to play. So right now I will thank God for all that I've been given.

When some couples struggle to have a child, I have been so blessed to have four health kids. While other people are stuck in jobs that suck the life out of them, I am fortunate to work for a group that appreciates even the little things and allows me the flexibility to spend time with my family. Some people are losing their homes because the mortgages are more than they can handle, while we live in a nice but cramped home in a great neighborhood. I could count so many blessings, but I might start to cry and my husband would think I really have lost it since I have such a "cold heart." :)

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