Lemoore, Calif. is a beautiful town. I'm just sad that it's taken the loss of a family member to get me out here. My aunt has sad it has been very helpful having all of the family here. We ate some great pizza tonight at a little pizza joint here in town. I found out after dinner that it was one of my cousin's favorite places, so it was pretty appropriate for us to gather there.

We attended the viewing this evening, which was very hard. For whatever reason, I usually feel the need to view the person in the casket. That's what I need to make it all real. When my grandmother passed away, seeing her in the casket was one of the best things for me because she once again looked like grandma.

Her body and mind had deteriorated so much over the 10+ years she was in the nursing home that I had a very hard time visiting her. I also had the opportunity to be with her right before she died. I'm glad I was there, but it was so hard to see a person I loved look so unlike the person I remembered. But in death, she looked like the woman I knew so I had the finally picture in my head.

However, my cousin looks nothing like he did which made the evening even harder. I sat and prayed so hard for peace, comfort and strength for his wife, sons, parents and brother. It broke my heart to see my aunt and uncle standing before the casket hugging their one surviving child.

The other devestating occurrence this evening was the knowledge that a close friend's marriage is about to end in bitterness and lies while I am surrounded by people who have spent 60 years together. Even more frustrating, watching a woman say goodbye to the man she has loved and cared for for nearly 35 years. At the same time, I am filled with anger and bitterness over a man who can't seem to grow up and be mature enough to be honest with his wife or give her the respect to either not marry her if he didn't love her or to end the marriage quickly when he has no intention of attempting to save it.

So much hurt and sadness around me that all I can do is pray for them all and thank God for the wonderful husband he has blessed me with.